At the Orc Fort

y leg muscles were tensed, just ready to carry me as fast as possible back into the dense forest. My hand was trembling slightly, as I knocked on the heavy wooden door of the Orc Fort.

What had brought me here? I think it was just the urge to experience more of Britannia's secrets. I had heard many rumors about the evil orcs. Killing harmless travellers on sight, looting the corpses and terrorizing the nearby town of Yew.
I had heard rumors like that about the Dark Elves before, and proved them to be pure fantasy. What was the story behind the orcs? I wanted to find out.

An ugly dressed orc opened and told me harshly to go away.

As I told him I was a pilgrim trying to find out the truth about the orcs, he accompanied me outside. He stood in front of me, looking at me through the eye slits of his orc helm and made strange noises. Then he asked me what I wanted in this typical orcish dialect, and we had a short and very strange conversation:

Mad Biker: Hail to thee!
Uruk'Hai: what humie want
Mad Biker: May I asked thou a question?
Uruk'Hai: grrr
Mad Biker: Sorry if I disturb thee
Uruk'Hai: nub come in fort
Uruk'Hai: we talk outside
Uruk'Hai: humie come
Uruk'Hai: dat bedder
Mad Biker: I am a pilgrim
Uruk'Hai: *picks his nose*
Uruk'Hai: so what humie pilgrim fer
Mad Biker: I have visited the Drows
Uruk'Hai: ah
Mad Biker: People told me about them they be murderers and mean
Uruk'Hai: me nub like albais
Mad Biker: But they weren't
Uruk'Hai: but orcs are
Mad Biker: They just don't wanted to be disturbed in their home
Uruk'Hai: yub dat like orcs
Mad Biker: My goal is to find out more about the Orcs and tell people the TRUTH about them
Mad Biker: There art too many prejudices in this world
Uruk'Hai: den lat must do dat
Uruk'Hai: *farts*
You see Nimweid attacking Uruk'Hai!
Uruk'Hai was hiding himself.
Nimweid: dont fart!
Uruk'Hai: stoopid humie
Uruk'Hai: *farts*
Uruk'Hai: *pulls dead rat out of backpack and bites head off*
Uruk'Hai: *Buuuuurp*
Uruk'Hai: dat gud meat
Mad Biker: Why do people attack you?
Uruk'Hai: grrr
Uruk'Hai: me nub know
Uruk'Hai: dey think orcs easy clomped
Uruk'Hai: grrrr me mad
Mad Biker: I see you art in trouble?
Uruk'Hai: dat humie still in fort
Mad Biker: I am sorry for this.
Mad Biker: I think noone should attack in an offensive way!
Uruk'Hai: me go git oder orcs

Then things happened very quickly. About three warriors appeared and attacked wordlessly every orc they saw with heavy crossbows and other weapons. I tried to keep them from continuing the slaughter, but they ignored me. I stood there, in midst a raging battle, without a possibility of defending myself.
Soon all was over. Nobody had bothered me, and there had been losses on both sides.
I decided to leave as fast as possible, not pushing my good luck too far.

I hope that one day I will come back here and learn more about the strange inhabitants of the orc fort.

03/98

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