Ultima Online Character Types
he ten
typical character types in Ultima Online are described here. I can read it and laugh a
hundred times, because it is so sarcastic and so damn true! :-)
THE SOCIOPATHIC HARASSER
Possible Names: "MasterBater"
"LongDongKong" "Cockman"
Possible Outfits: Naked or Newbie clothing
Suggested Skills: A colorful vocabulary, Immunity to shame
he Harasser can usually be found in and around major
population centers or moongates. They will usually lock onto their intended victims at
random, and tag along behind them, spouting the appropriate profanity and sexual innuendo.
Spelling and grammar are no-no's for the successful Harasser. Truly gifted Harassers will
keep after their victim long after it becomes apparent they are either a) ignoring the
Harasser or b) have logged out, because the mark of a great Harasser is the ability to
persist where common sense says "stop".
THE INSANE ROLEPLAYER
Possible Names: "Ipsarad the Mighty"
"Ackdalain Elvenborn"
Possible Outfits: Massively detailed clothing with no practical use
Suggested Skills: Cartography, Carpentry, Anatomy
he Insane Roleplayer has lost all perspective. They
can often be found haunting the most remote locations of the map, speaking to bears and
pontificating on the nature of the eight virtues. When faced with anyone wearing armor or
casting a spell, they will sling dire accusations at them, cursing them for their lack of
roleplaying ability. As such they are always found alone, because no one can stand to be
around them very long. All Insane Roleplayers can speak several languages, including
Elvish, Dwarven and Orc. If questioned upon the possible use for this, they will attack
you.
THE MASS MURDERER
Possible Names: "MastaKilla"
"BadAssMutha" "KickaYoAss"
Possible Outfits: Plate Mail or Bone, Wizards Hat
Suggested Skills: Archery, Magery, Spell Resistance, Hiding
ass Murderers never speak unless its over an IRC
channel, and then its to coordinate an attack on their latest victims. They will always be
found recalling in and out of heavily travelled areas, which include dungeons, dungeons
and in some cases dungeons. When attacking, they will often cry "Corp Por"...and
when their victim is dead and they have acquired all his/her belongings, they will gloat
"Kal Ort Por" before disappearing. This is the essence of evil roleplaying.
THE GREAT LORD DUPER
Possible Names: "Caermon Majere"
"Raistlin" "Lord Bilbo"
Possible Outfits: Plate Mail of Invunerability
Suggested Skills: Whichever are bugged
reat Lord Dupers are perpetually bored, and can
always be found standing in front of or on top of the bank counting their fortunes. All
Great Lord Dupers own thirty-five houses and a dozen sets of magical armor. Occasionally
Great Lord Dupers can be found riding through the woods, stealing bread off the headless
you just killed...or recalling out of the mage shop you're visiting after buying every
last black pearl for one of their legion of vendors. Under no circumstances will they
behave in a fashion becoming a Great Lord.
THE KOOL DEWD
Possible Names: "DoCtA DooD" "Da KoOl
NiGGa" "BiG GaY Al"
Possible Outfits: Anything attention gathering
Suggested Skills: Musicianship...any other noisy, annoying skill
f you start conversations saying
"Sup"...you may be a Kool Dewd. If you find yourself making spelling mistakes in
words 4 letters or less, you may be a Kool Dewd. If you've ever uttered the words "Ya
im watching South Park rite now" you may be a Kool Dewd. If you have ever referred to
anyone as "homie" or "G"...you are most definately a Kool Dewd. Its
not so much that Kool Dewds are evil...it's just that...well....oh to hell with it.
They're evil.
THE OSI HATING PERMA-NEWBIE
Possible Names: "Tailor Guy" "Fighter
No.4" "TestLag"
Possible Outfits: Death Robes
Suggested Skills: Whatever they started with
erma Newbies just can't hack it. Whether they are
born under a bad sign or simply catastrophically incompetent is unclear, but the
sophistications of Ultima Online life are forever beyond their grasp. Most Perma Newbies
die 10-20 times per session. Unable to come to grips with their failures, Perma Newbies
will seek out scapegoats and cry for their heads. While initial scapegoats were usually
Mass Murderers, the current scapegoat of choice is OSI. If you see a post titled "MY
CHARACTER DIED AGAIN OSI FIX THIS SHIT NOW" you can be sure it is the manifested rage
of the vanquished Perma Newbie.
THE SPAM MASTER
Possible Names: "Escort Guy"
"Stuf4Sale"
Possible Outfits: Loud and obnoxious clothing
Suggested Skills: The ability to type in all caps
pam Masters will always be found at banks or
moongates, shouting one of several stock phrases. "BONE FOR SALE" is one
favorite. "I WILL TAKE THEE" is another. All Spam Masters belong to guilds, and
have enjoyable titles such as "GRAND WARRIOR OF THE KICKASS KNIGHTS OF THE
OVERWHELMINGLY POWERFUL GUILD OF GUYS ON HORSES WITH BIG SWORDS". Spam Masters can
often be found with 20 or more escorts in tow.
THE DEATH ROBE THIEF
Possible Names: "Steala Dude"
"RobberGuy" "BillyTheKid"
Possible Outfits: Death Robes, Colored Death Robes, Naked
Suggested Skills: Snooping, Stealing, Getting Resurrected
eath Robe thieves are always to be found in town,
usually hiding around the bank. If you can see four or more corpses lying about with the
same name as the person standing next to you he/she may be a Death Robe Thief. Death Robe
thieves are bitter, frustrated souls, angered by the many times they were diced by an
overzealous guard for snagging some noble's bread. If a Death Robe Thief beats the odds
and actually steals something of value from you, don't bother checking the corpse, as
helpful bystanders often acquire such items for safekeeping.
THE MULE
Possible Names: "Mule" "MoneyDood"
"a"
Possible Outfits: Newbie Clothing
Suggested Skills: Anything profitable
ules are the dirty little secret of every UO player.
See that fighter/mage? See that snappy armor? Bought and paid for by his tailor mule. And
that sack of reagents? Purchased with funds raised by his bowyer/fletcher mule. Mules can
often be seen scurrying about town depositing mind bogglingly large sums of gold in the
bank. The sheer volume of mules in and around towns lead many to believe that the world is
full of newbies, which usually results in soaring egomania which lasts until they travel
to the nearest dungeon and get pkilled.
THE ARMOR STEALING BLACKSMITH
Possible Names: Any name identical to that of an
established smith
Possible Outfits: Any identical to those of an established smith
Suggested Skills: Anything but actual Smithing
rmor Stealing Blacksmiths outnumber actual
blacksmiths 3-1. When the smith you have just paid 500 gold to repair your fortified plate
of invulnerability tells you he'll "brb", then stands there for five minutes
before disappearing, its a good sign you've just been had by an Armor Stealing Blacksmith.
A good way to avoid this fate is to never have your armor and weapons repaired...but this
plan usually backfires when your 5 AR platemail finally gives out and a mongbat kills you.
10/98